As a matter of fact, it never stopped – it only feels that way to you and yours.

I had just made my way back to bed from the bathroom when I saw a notification on my phone. I thought it was a family member wanting to know how we are doing. To my surprise, it’s someone from work asking me for work. FYI, I told this person the previous day that I was on my way to the hospital. I didn’t abscond. My situation was well known.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt during this time, it would be that someone who has never experienced a loss of this kind will not understand what you are going through. Do not expect empathy from such people.

I had quite a large number of friends showing support by texting me “let me know if you need anything”, but there were only a handful who rocked up to my house with “something”.

For example, people will offer you prayers and thoughts but no one would think to fetch your child from school.

If you’re anything like me, someone who hates being an inconvenience to others, and don’t thrive on pity… then I’m sure those kind of texts went unanswered. “What can I get/do to make this easier for you?” sounds much better, don’t you think?

While writing this, I am reminded of a sermon I heard not so long ago. It was about Job’s friends and how they were miserable comforters. They were praised for going to him while he was experiencing great difficulties and loss, and for sitting with him in stillness, but were rebuked when they tried to counsel him. Sometimes we don’t need someone to give us answers or encouraging words – just someone to sit and have tea with.

 Anyways, I know this post is all over the place but so are my thoughts. What I want to say is: just because your life stopped doesn’t mean that those going on with theirs don’t care. Just because people aren’t offering doesn’t mean they won’t cross oceans for you when you ask them to do you a solid. If you expect a certain level of support, please maintain that when the tables are turned. And when people make shitty remarks or give unsolicited advice, discard it (even if said with the best intentions).

Life stopped for me a while ago and I’m going to allow myself to dwell just a little bit. Not in hurt, but in stillness. I’ll start moving in due time.

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