I know it’s weird being back in the nest after soaring into the wild.

Back under your parents’ roof, abiding by their rules. It’s none of my business how you ended up there again. Coming back could not have been easy, especially if you’re not coming back alone.

What’s worse is if you are by no means to financially contribute to the household.  The thing is, I left too early. Things in the big world got really bad, so the parental humans offered us a safe place – a warm place till I get back on my feet again. The latter was never communicated though, that’s just what I assumed.

Lately I’ve been feeling that I learnt what I had to, and I’m REALLY ready to go on my own. For real this time. None of this prodigal princess shenanigans! I also don’t need saving, i.e. a husband to come take me away coz in all honesty, my mother’s food is bomb, my clothes gets washed, my kid gets fed and my only responsibility is to wash dishes after I have eaten, which is 5pm EVERY DAMN DAY. So yeah, life is quite comfy in the Abercrombie residence. Please remind me why I want to move out again?? Hehehe, this is the inner leech being revealed!

I notice how my white colleagues’ eyebrows raise when I tell them that I still live at home with my parents or that my dad still drops me off and picks me up from work. The raised brow is usually accompanied by a “Really!? How old are you again?”

I feel like I’ve missed out on a chunk of my life. I really want to do my own thing in my own space – decorating, cooking, DIYing, even just for a year. I don’t need anyone to understand this. I just feel like it’s very necessary for me. At the same time this sounds ridiculous, coz rent and food alone will cost roughly R7000, and then electricity and the other odds and ends. Right now this is economically impossible. On second thought, Husband! Where art thou?

Those who have been to my place would know that mine is very different to the rest of my parents’ home. There are no fancy decorations and no matching colour scheme. I have curtains that does not match my bed sheets. What the hell, the curtains don’t even match eachother, LOL! I kept it this way coz I didn’t want to get too comfortable. It’s been 4 years since I’m back under my parents’ roof and no matter how much I enjoy doing and contributing the minimal that I do over here, I really just want to have my own place now. Having a child makes things a bit tricky. Jaz wouldn’t even think twice of declining an offer to move out! I’ve been speaking to my parents about this and they support it. We also decided that she needs stability and a routine, and I wouldn’t dare disturb that. I can feel the judgement coming from the coloured community right about now!

Anyways, nothing has to be wrong for you to leave your parents’ home. Our minds are wired in such a way that a person is only “suppose” to leave their parental home when getting married, getting a job or studying out of town or when there are family feuds. In the meantime, some of us are filling our parental homes with children and living off their income. We seriously need to stop doing this!

I know we each have our unique situation and I really can’t speak on behalf of anyone other than myself. I also won’t allow anyone to make this almost 30 year old feel bad for living at home, the twitter clap back below expresses my feels 100% and I delight in John 14:2 that says “In my Fathers house there are many rooms..” My dad is sure gna lecture me for using scripture out of context to support my views!

Anyways, I just wanted to put my thoughts out there… do I have some adult-children reading this today? Feel free to share your opinion! Have a lekker weekend xx

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7 thoughts on “Dear Adult-Child”

  1. Adult-child commenting here. This has been on my mind for a while. I’m hoping to move out once I’ve saved up enough for a good deposit on my own place, which I’m hoping is in the next year. You hit the nail on the head with the coloured community not leaving home unless it’s for specific reasons. I feel like it’s even more frowned upon for a woman to move out and live on her own.

  2. I was raised to only move out when I get married…but my inner rebel needed growing up. That was me. Staying home, although traditional, is more for us to save for when we one day decide to leave the nest. Many people stay or return for different reasons. Circumstances differ and is no one’s business. You do you.

  3. I am with all of you on feeling that within the coloured home we are given certain ultimatums…like in my house for example I was given straight the ultimatum that I will only move out in the event that I have a job in another city or town or in the event that the knight in shining armour pops the question. Yet Ruth…I am also frowned upon when still stating at work that I live at home.

    I must say that living at home has it’s benefits like you mention and in many cases our parents get comfortable with having an eye on us for like literally every other second we spend in and out of “home!!”

    Traditionally back then parenting used to be that way and I think with the modernisation of the world we tend to leave our parents behind.

    One day I feel like moving out…the next day I’m reminded how adult responsibilities might just have me crying each minute I am out of the nest.

    Lovely article:)

  4. Wow! This article hits home for me in a really big way… I am 39 years old and in my final year of studying AND still living at home. I moved out of the house thrice (yes 3 times); and every time I had to move back: twice it was when I lost my out-of-town job and the 3rd time was when I couldn’t afford the rent (because I’m a student). So much of what you were saying is true, especially for me spending about 90% of my time with non-Coloureds. Society has these unwritten rules which we’re all expected to subscribe to and if you don’t, you are frowned upon and as you say the pressure is so much greater when you’re a girl!

    1. Thanks for sharing ur story Beneshia. I really appreciate the feedback! Strongs on your journey girl, you do what works for you!<3

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