I’m writing this with so much authority, as a person who has gone through the process, to individuals who are open to correction and willing to make the necessary changes – changes that will require them unlearning to ensure growth and the betterment of their relationships with their partner and loved ones in general. If I could just help one person through this unlearning series to NOT make the same mistakes I have, then mission accomplished.

If you’re not too sure what I’m talking about, please read the post that started this series before you continue with this. Click HERE 

You know that boyfriend and I share a birthday week, right? He’s Feb 9th and I’m the 12th. This was also the very first time we celebrated our birthdays together, as a couple. We decided last year that we will be spending it in Cape Town. With him being a student and having saved money from his holiday job, and me doing my part by staying home during December holiday (I’m not going to let you in too deep into our pockets), I suggested that we don’t buy each other birthday gifts as this little adventure counted as a “from me to you” prezi for each other. As the sun rose on the 9th, we were filling up with fuel and I popped out a box wrapped with photos of us. He was very surprised (also, he doesn’t show excitement the way I do). I had to force him to open the gift. Eventually he did and BAM – there was a mini kit of the beard oil he’s been throwing hints about for the last few months.

Cool. The weekend went by and Sunday came. He made it super special for me. We waited for midnight at a Cuban lounge in Long Street, with chilli poppers and I had a strawberry daiquiri, almost too pretty to drink. There was a live band and we were a fun crowd. The clock striked 00:00 and I was no longer 26 years old. A few hours later we went on a street tour by ourselves to Bo-Kaap and then stopped by Charlie’s Bakery coz dirrr … birthdays and cake!! But they were closed, BUMMER! No cake and no present for me YET. We then left for RUSH trampoline park. Did I mention that this was the coolest birthday ever. Still no gift tho. After a few hours of jumping, and shooting hoops while jumping, and laughing while jumping, and … okay I’m pretty sure you get the picture. We were defeated and energies depleted, so we stopped for food and took on the long road home. Still nothing. Guys, the present never came!!

So this is how the birthday went down… Laz took me to this Cuban lounge in Long Street, where we had Chili Poppers 💥 , we will never have it again 😂😂 the night life there is lit 🔥🔥 people on cycling tours at 11pm 🚲 a bus that is a restaurant but not really and also very far from being a food truck… ag go see for urself. Anyways…this is what the wrong side of the twenties look like, not too bad as ek nog n tamaletjie kan maak 🕶💅 THANK YOU EVERYBODY for the birthday wishes, I wanted to reply to every single message maar kom nooit so ver nie. Weet net dit word wardeer. Thanks Boyfriend, for making my 27th birthday THE BEST EVER 😘 looking forward to all the others

Posted by Ruth-Mandy Abercrombie on Tuesday, 14 February 2017


Entlek, why did I set myself up like this? Why did I expect a gift when I was the one who suggested that we don’t? I couldn’t blame his deafness or miscommunication coz there wasn’t any.

This was a result of me not meaning what I was saying.

I can give you plenty other examples like the one above but some of you don’t come here to learn. Ya’ll just be nosy wanting to know my business! But let me bless you too…

Emotional texting is the breeding ground for not meaning what you are saying. I’ll let that sink in for a minute. You can say AMEN now coz I know full well that I’m right. I’m talking about that text you send in the early morning hours after that heated exchange you had earlier, and now you’re laying in bed feeling that he didn’t quite “get you” and you REALLY want to be get gotten. So you pour out your feelings in a text where WhatsApp tells you that you have zero characters left to use! (I need someone to catch this revelation right here : DON’T RUN OUT OF CHARACTER) Sometimes you use sentence enhancers but in reality you’re not even a person who makes use of profanity in your speech. Girrl, STOP!  Next time this happens you double, triple tap that delete button and you switch your phone off, write all you want to say on a piece of paper and in the morning when you wake up, read it and if you still feel the same … by all means, send it. I bet you won’t though. Why? Coz you don’t FEEL the same. You slept your emotions off.

Emotions are dangerous all on its own, and texting is so easily misunderstood … but together they are disastrous!

Grow out of this habit! Soonest!  …or you can end up like this…

Laz has a really low tolerance for things, and I come with many things! But he has much love for me and that pushes his low to medium I guess, make no mistake though… he has absolutely no problem calling me out on unacceptable behaviour. I must admit that I don’t always take kindly to this but found Proverbs 27 really comforting.

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
    and the pleasantness of a friend
    springs from their heartfelt advice.

17 As iron sharpens iron,
    so one person sharpens another.

I wasn’t even aware of some of the bad habits I had. It became such a part of me that I had to un-become to rid myself of it. You can try and do this by yourself but it’s so much nicer doing it with the Holy Spirit coz as you empty your cup, He fills it. And as you become less, He becomes more.

Let us learn to mean what we are saying, this will save us from letting OURSELVES down by creating uncommunicated expectations!!


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4 thoughts on “UNLEARNING – Continued.”

    1. Wow!!!!thats probably the best piece iv read so far for a long time and i dont usually like reading..keep going Ruth love your insight!

    2. Thanks Vadi xo
      Yip, it’s nice to have grace with one self but its equally important to work on whatever needs some working on.

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