You know that phrase the program director usually utters during a geflopde sangaand? “The ones that are here, are the ones that are meant to be here”? Yip, I believe that with all my heart.
My friend recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I only got around to visiting them a few Saturdays back. While holding her baby, very nervously, I was once again reminded of the immense responsibility that God entrusted us with. I mean think about it… I get to raise a PERSON who will, when their turn comes, raise another person. So what I impart in this precious little being will ultimately (generations from now) bear its fruit- be it good or bad. How amazing is it that I get to nurture and shape a mind!? A responsibility we don’t always think off.
Kids are extremely vulnerable little persons. They are easily influenced, hence we as parents need to stay woke. There are certain friends I don’t want Jazzy playing with and certain environments I don’t want her exposed to. It is MY right as HER parent to protect her innocence as long as I can and to do it in the best way i know how.
Child has an absent father and I am extremely okay with that. Infact, I see it like this- anybody who does not want to be around ain’t worth having around anyway!
For the pass 4 years she has not received any phone calls, not even on her birthday. No visits, no gifts, no support, financially or any other way. She knows her father by name only. She was 4 when he left. She’s turning 8 this year. ☺
I honestly think she is better off without him (then I duck as you are virtually throwing darts at me for speaking my mind). ‘Cause what can he possibly teach her about taking responsibility? What can he teach her about Love? What example is he setting for her? Would his presence add value or confusion?
My mind often wonders into the future. ‘Will she go and look for him one day?’ You know, things like that. ‘Will this leave some sort of void in her life and will she use it as a crutch to rebel against authority? (Read A Broken Home) I’m damn sure that I’m not the only mom thinking about these things.
Then my friend Lu, who happens to be a parenting Blogger, gifted me with a few books from Christian Art Media. One that really grabbed my attention was The 20 Hardest Questions Every Mom Faces, coz remember my goals for 2017? Be a kick ass mom, so I need to prepare myself for what lies ahead…but I was never ready for what this book was dishing out.
View this post on Instagram
As im having my morning #devotion at the #pool side, reading this amazing book written by #DannahGresh (and inspired by the Holy Spirit I believe) I am once again reminded of the importance of #CorporatePrayer as opposed to private prayer. We were not made to walk this Christian life alone, but in community. #TellSomeone #PrayTogether #The20HARDESTquestionsEveryMomFaces #ChristianArtMedia
The author, Dannah Gresh, doesn’t give you the answers to these questions. Instead, she gives you a formula to work with. Our situations differ and our kids will not all ask the same questions. She helps you to tailor your answers while using the life of Hannah, from the Bible, as an example. This book really touches a lil’ on everything. From “How many kids should I have?” to “Who comes first? My kids or my husband?” to “Should we allow sleepovers?” to schooling and cellphones, from vaccinations to modesty, and the faith you raise them in etc. etc.
But it is Chapter 22 that really spoke to me as it is something I’ve been battling with. “At What age should we have ‘the talk’ , and should I tell them about my past?” I turned down the volume and shared my thoughts with Laz as we were driving home from Cape Town. I told him about the kind of parent I want to be. I also shared with him this one fear that I have, because there really is no telling how things will turn out. I told him that I had wondered many times what Jazzy would think of these blog posts one day. Have I compromised her privacy? What will my other kids think? Will they be proud to have such a ‘brave’ mother or will mommy be crucified for having a “past life”? I honestly don’t know. At the same time I’d like to believe that I will raise non-judgmental, open-minded individuals.
Anyway, one of the things the author discussed was “How can I teach my daughter to live a life of purity when I didn’t?” …then shit got real!! I know there is gonna come a time when it’s my birthday and she’ll make calculations and subtract her age from mine and I’ll have to have answers. Should she ask me about my student life, I’ll have to answer truthfully with the fact that I was pregnant in my second year of University and spent my September recess giving birth to her through an emergency c-section after attempts to induce labour had failed even after my water was broken.
See, my parents raised me well. I did wrong on my own. I was told to save myself for marriage but I was never taught HOW to do it! Luckily for me, I still have some time to think about this and tailor my answers.
Please share your experiences or thoughts with me. I’d love to hear from you!!