You know that phrase the program director usually utters during a geflopde sangaand? “The ones that are here, are the ones that are meant to be here”? Yip, I believe that with all my heart.

My friend recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I only got around to visiting them a few Saturdays back. While holding her baby, very nervously, I was once again reminded of the immense responsibility that God entrusted us with. I mean think about it… I get to raise a PERSON who will, when their turn comes, raise another person. So what I impart in this precious little being will ultimately (generations from now) bear its fruit- be it good or bad. How amazing is it that I get to nurture and shape a mind!? A responsibility we don’t always think off.

Kids are extremely vulnerable little persons. They are easily influenced, hence we as parents need to stay woke. There are certain friends I don’t want Jazzy playing with and certain environments I don’t want her exposed to. It is MY right as HER parent to protect her innocence as long as I can and to do it in the best way i know how.

Child has an absent father and I am extremely okay with that. Infact, I see it like this- anybody who does not want to be around ain’t worth having around anyway!

For the pass 4 years she has not received any phone calls, not even on her birthday. No visits, no gifts, no support, financially or any other way.  She knows her father by name only. She was 4 when he left. She’s turning 8 this year.

I honestly think she is better off without him (then I duck as you are virtually throwing darts at me for speaking my mind). ‘Cause what can he possibly teach her about taking responsibility?  What can he teach her about Love?  What example is he setting for her? Would his presence add value or confusion?

My mind often wonders into the future. ‘Will she go and look for him one day?’ You know, things like that. ‘Will this leave some sort of void in her life and will she use it as a crutch to rebel against authority? (Read A Broken Home) I’m damn sure that I’m not the only mom thinking about these things.

Then my friend Lu, who happens to be a parenting Blogger, gifted me with a few books from Christian Art Media.  One that really grabbed my attention was The 20 Hardest Questions Every Mom Faces, coz remember my goals for 2017? Be a kick ass mom, so I need to prepare myself for what lies ahead…but I was never ready for what this book was dishing out.

The author, Dannah Gresh, doesn’t give you the answers to these questions. Instead, she gives you a formula to work with. Our situations differ and our kids will not all ask the same questions.  She helps you to tailor your answers while using the life of Hannah, from the Bible, as an example. This book really touches a lil’ on everything. From “How many kids should I have?” to “Who comes first? My kids or my husband?” to “Should we allow sleepovers?” to schooling and cellphones,  from vaccinations to modesty, and the faith you raise them in etc. etc.

But it is Chapter 22 that really spoke to me as it is something I’ve been battling with.  “At What age should we have ‘the talk’ , and should I tell them about my past?” I turned down the volume and shared my thoughts with Laz as we were driving home from Cape Town.  I told him about the kind of parent I want to be. I also shared with him this one fear that I have, because there really is no telling how things will turn out. I told him that I had wondered many times what Jazzy would think of these blog posts one day. Have I compromised her privacy? What will my other kids think? Will they be proud to have such a ‘brave’ mother or will mommy be crucified for having a “past life”? I honestly don’t know. At the same time I’d like to believe that I will raise non-judgmental, open-minded individuals.

Anyway, one of the things the author discussed  was “How can I teach my daughter to live a life of purity when I didn’t?” …then shit got real!! I know there is gonna come a time when it’s my birthday and she’ll make calculations and subtract her age from mine and I’ll have to have answers.  Should she ask me about my student life, I’ll have to answer truthfully with the fact that I was pregnant in my second year  of University and spent my September recess giving birth to her through an emergency c-section after attempts to induce labour had failed even after my water was broken.

jasmine-201

See, my parents raised me well. I did wrong on my own.  I was told to save myself for marriage but I was never taught HOW to do it! Luckily for me, I still have some time to think about this and tailor my answers.

Please share your experiences or thoughts with me. I’d love to hear from you!!

 

 

Facebook Comments

17 thoughts on “The Kid Needs Answers!”

  1. What a honest piece, I salute you for being the strong woman that you are.

    I especially love the part where you said your parents taught you well, ons bly self skeem neek ai

      1. If you didn’t know let me be the one to tell you dame, you already getting it right.

        Look at there faces in the pictures you post that alone shows how incredibly proud they are of you.

  2. This ish be real right here – I also question myself about my blog and how much I share about her – and although I tell her about the blog and that mommy actually only really writes about me my feelings and views on things – she does feature. It is definitely hard to decide for her whether it is okay or not… I pray though that she will understand the why – before she questions the how!

  3. Refreshing Ruth that’s what you are. Complete honesty is lacking these days. People like to be fake these days that’s why we love you for your brutal honesty and whimsical way of writing you take us on a trip and make us part of who and what you are in Christ.

  4. Love how you not afraid to share such intimate details of your life. You such an open book….
    My son was 7 months old when his father left us. It was devastating. I thought it was the end of the world….so many questions was going around in my mind at night looking at my then baby…The “what’s”, how’s”, and the” when’s”

    Never in my wildest dreams did i think it will happen to me…but it did. Today i thank God for taking him out of the equation coz we deserve so much better….my son son also knows his father but does not have that fatherlybond with him…but he does get that from my dad…his dad is absent but at least supports financially.

    1. Good to hear you guys are doing fine Cindy. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience. I am so happy that your son has a father figure in his life. And that his biological father acknowledges his existence enough to contribute financially. I appreciate your input xo

  5. I am not a mother yet but I have many children. I’m 25 years of age and as a teacher I work with so many vulnerable souls and don’t we all shiver in our tracks sometimes… we to get asked questions about our past and or future decisions. But what beauty does this human race of ours not hold! Ughhh… it’s mesmerising… I fear for the day when it really really hits home and it is my biological child and U have to steer very far away from: “Don’t do as I do but do as I say.”
    But so I believe that we are all a work in progress and it’s good to plan and it’s very good to ponder and take action on both but we are a work in progress everything we do is a work in progress.
    You’re openess and vulnerability is being admired. Your light is not only being felt throughout.
    Thank you for making us stop in our tracks for past as well as future reference.
    May Our Almighty always guide and protect your souls.
    Xxx

    1. Thank you so much Lamees <3 …a work in progress most definitely, always under construction! I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond on this, thanks for the insight… and for speaking a blessing over our lives xo Be blessed in your calling as an Educator.

  6. Touched by ur courage to share as many of us go thru the same things i really admire you…and should get me that book keep up the gr8 work??

  7. I honestly think Jazzy is going to appreciate you even more when she reads these posts one day. She’ll know how brave and fierce your love for her is. She’ll learn to put God first as you have done because you are the inspiration. She’ll learn to be honest to herself about herself and in turn help others.

    Inderdaad, die wat hier moes wees is in die midde. Even in their absence seasonal people give us lessons that remain. Our perception is what determines the learned lessons. More power to you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *