God really got his hands dirty with me over the past two years. It was a season of constant pruning and moulding. It wasn’t very pleasant but it was necessary for me to heal and grow, so that I may flourish in that which God has called me for.

Do you know what it’s like… when you’ve made a mistake and had to bear the consequences of the decision that got you into that mess, and then you kind of don’t trust your own judgement anymore? And then you still find people who jumps at every opportunity to remind you of the ‘event/ mistake/ fault/ sin’, and all that you’ve worked through and thought you have dealt with comes crashing down on you? Not trusting someone else is bad enough as it is, but you not trusting YOU is a whole new level of confusion. You start second guessing every decision you have ever made and it drives you nuts! As a result I started seeking validation from those around me not being aware that I was doing so. The danger in that is the fact that not all of us are blessed enough to have sound and godly counsel.

I soon realized the reason for my being sensitive and for things to still have a negative effect on me whenever it is brought up in conversation, is because I tried getting “over it”, well… some things in life you can’t just get over, you need to work it through.

My cup was empty, and my soul torn. I needed all this brokenness to be taken away … But God doesn’t just take things. No, he waits patiently by your side until you decide to give it to him. He is right there with you, ready to restore, ready to replenish… all He needs is for you to become vulnerable with Him. The best part of all of this is the fact that He gives you something in return. He is more than willing to make a trade with you… He gave me beauty for ashes.  He replaced my complaining with songs of praise and my worry with worship. Who better to trust with your heart than the one who created it, who knit you together in your mother’s womb and who has called you by your name? The one who has created you in His likeness and who knows your inmost being.

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Who else was I going to trust than the one who was and is and is to come, when I didn’t even trust myself… He was the only constant and still He remains. While I was in this distrust with myself, I learned how to fully rely on the Holy Spirit, and depend on His guidance only and follow His lead.

With Gods redemption came freedom… freedom from people’s opinions and freedom from grudges, freedom from bondage and self-pity. Freedom from judgement and freedom from the need to be validated!

With Gods redemption came peace… peace of mind.

Psalm 107:2

Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story, whom he has redeemed from trouble

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